You're Gonna Miss This

During a conversation about my plans the other day, I told a coworker that my road trip is all I ever think about; it consumes my thoughts from sunrise to sunset.  And while this is mostly true (I do spend the majority of my time thinking about what I'm going to be doing next year), I've also been thinking about how much I'm going to miss my life here, on Oahu.

I've always been the sentimental type.  Nostalgia often overcomes me; nostalgia for summers spent at the Pharm, holidays spent enjoying laughter and good food with family, carefree days of field trips with childhood friends and lemonade stands with my siblings, high school adventures with my girlfriends, college. 

I finally realized the other day, I have an incredibly confusing LOVE/HATE relationship with change.  My sense of longing for how things used to be, leads me to believe that change is bad.  But the truth is, I THRIVE off of change.  And I get incredibly restless when things remain the same for long periods of time.  In fact, I NEED change in order to feel alive. Sameness bores me.  Sameness makes me feel trapped...  Which probably has something to do with my commitment issues.  When things remain the same for too long, they start to feel too permanent, and permanence scares me.  

Knowing this about myself (that I'm incredibly sentimental & nostalgic, but that I also need change in order to feel alive), I've realized that I need to continue to immerse myself in the beautiful plans that are unfolding in maps before me, but that at the same time I need to make sure to enjoy where I am right now; to continue to live in the present while planning for the future.

Since I moved to Hawaii in 2006, this rock in the water has stolen a piece of my heart.  Every time I fly away from it (yes, even if just for a short vacation), I cry.  There's something about this paradise that just holds my heart so tight.  ...But as much as I love my home here, I feel that restlessness.  I do; I feel it so intensely... and it's not the island's fault, I just need that change.  

I know 100% without one doubt that I will miss it.  Hell, I already miss it when I'm on vacation for ten days.  Which is why I want to soak up every single aspect of this paradise in my remaining eight months here.  Eight months seems like a long time when you're already feeling restless, but then when I think about actually leaving this place, it seems all to soon.  (My heart, forever & always conflicted & contradicting.) 

So, eight months people!  Here's to soaking up every little thing Oahu has to offer (especially the SUNSHINE!) and making memories that will keep me warm all my days, 'cause I'm gonna miss this. 

You're gonna miss this

You're gonna want this back

You're gonna wish these days

Hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times

So take a good look around

You may not know it now

But you're gonna miss this
You're gonna miss this
Yeah, you're gunna miss this
--Trace Adkins